The story began at 11:15 last night as the singers were all heading home from their rehearsal. William 'Bo' Boddie was driving his car to his appartment in town, when he suddenly lost control of his car going 120 mph on Church St., a small side street in Saratoga. His car crossed the center of the road, hit a pot hole, and flipped 34 times in the air, killing Boddie by the sheer centifical force in a matter of 3 seconds. Bystanders said that they "couldn't imagine how anyone would have survived a crash like that," referring to the impact Boddie's car made when landing in the front living room of a nearby house. Seven family members were also killed.

Not long after this first event, the second death occurred. A Mr. Derek Lukaysie, class of '98, was walking back to his dorm room at about 11:20, when his entire body suddenly imploded for no readily apparent reason. Experts have since decided that the fatal accident resulted from a sudden dramatic shift in the air pressure around Luchese, possibly the result of a scientific phenomenon known as "unleashed potential." Group member Krishna Stoll, who was walking with Lucchesy, told emergency workers that "his eyes just started getting wider, and then, POW, he was a pile of mush." Doctors expect several articles to be published in the next issue of the "American Medical Journal" documenting this strange case.

Without so much as a moment to reflect on the loss of their friends, the rest of the group was sadly to follow suit in the next 24 hours. At approximately 12:45am, less than an hour after he was released from the police station for questioning about the Lucchese case, Mr. Shtall, of Los Angeles, CA, was himself the victim of a bizarre accident. When entereing Moore hall, the residence hall where the 2nd year student presently lived, the first thing Krishner did was get into the elevator...or so he thought. When the door opened, and Mr. Stal stepped in, Surprise! There was no elevator to be found. The confused student fell 25 feet to the bottom of the shaft, suffering two broken legs and a fractured shoulder. Were this the extent of his injuries, however, he would likely be in much better shape than he is now. Before he could even call for help, a malfunction occurred and the elevator plummetted down 5 floors, crushing the body of Mr. Stall beyond recognition. 6 other students were also killed in the fall.

The next death occurred 30 minutes after the elevator incident, but in the same dorm. A Mr. Erique Grimaldi, of Boston, was lying on his bed in his room on the third floor. Without warning, a team of 13 Cuban mercenaries blasted through his window and attacked the drowsy Grimaldy. Although he was able to single handedly kill or mame 9 of the 13 attackers, he was eventually shot in the head by the team leader. The remaining 4 mercenaries are presently at large. Fortunatley, Mr. Grimaldi was able to swallow a case of Microfilm which the Cubans had stolen from the Pentagon only two days before, as well as attach tracking devices to the escaped members of the team.

After this, the fourth death of the night, there was a lull in the chaos for around 2 hours. Then, at 3:15am, ambulances were called to a house on North Broadway which is the domicile of one Mr. Jason P. Brown. Brawn, the group's Business Manager, and a well respected member of the Skidmore community, suffered a heart attack in his room, one story above the street. According to reports, Mr. Broun had overdosed on at least 7 drugs, including marijuana, cocaine, LSD, uppers, downers, airplane glue, and cum chips. He had then proceeded to try to videotape himself and another unidentified male doing their own version of a dance scene from "Showgirls". Doctors noted that his "intense use of Mango body butter and other skin care products did nothing to help the situation." Services will be held tomorrow at the house of David Porter, Skidmore's president.

Around the time that this tragic scene was taking place, another equally horrible encounter was about to happen back on campus. One of the rookie members of the group, Bernardo Vierra, class of '99, decided to take a study break and go for a walk around campus. Had he known the fate he was to encounter, he would likely have kept on working. As Mr. Vira was walking across the green in the north of campus, a mysterious car pulled up, later identified as belinging to a Mr. Frank Valenti of Saratoga. Valenti is an alum of the group. Bystanders claimed to hear Valenti call out "Die Rookie!" and something involving the name "Ivy", before he pulled out a small straw and shot Vieiriea in the neck with a highly poisonous dart. Valenti is still at large, though Police say that they doubt he is dangerous, and that it was merely a "grudge crime".

This ended the death and gore for the evening, although it was certain to begin again in full force the next morning. Sure enough, another Rookie, Mr. Josh Bomber, was killed on his way to the Dining Hall for breakfast at around 7:45 in the morning. Apparantly science students of the college had been setting up an experiment outside of Wait Hall involving laser cutting torches and cement blocks. Baumere was unfortuante enough to get in the way of the first test of the beam, and his body was sliced in half in less than a second. The college science department has issued a statement apologising profusely, but Bommer's parents are expected to file a $300 lawsuit against the college. Twelve other students were also killed in the incident.

Shortly afterwords, William Mortensen, a sophomore in the group, was also involved in an unfortunate accident. Mortenson was famous around campus for having his own moped, which he had no quams about riding to and from classes every day. On this particular day, however, it might have been better for him if he could have walked instead. On his way along the campus road, Morterson was suddenly confronted when a seven foot tall hedgehog lumbered out into the road in front of his vehicle, thus causing a collision. The science department has also issued a statement apologising for this incident as well. Mortenson was taken to the hospital in fair condition, where he then died from eating spoiled jello-pudding.

As if this unimaginable series of events were not enough, the carnage continued later this morning. A Mr. Dylan Connair, class of '97, was found dead in his room, where he had apparently been pulled into a computerized vortex on the internet. When security arrived, Mr Conner was wearing a cyber-glove, and had just finished writing of his plans to "take over the school computer system and rule the internet." Skidmore computer services has no comment on the situation. Three other students were also killed.

Just afterwords, Conner's housemate, Ian Barley, the group's musical director, was running to class, when he fell into a sinkhole which formed suddenly under him on Case Green. Although the depth of the hole has still not been charted, it is assumed that Varrly did not survive the fall, or the thousands of pounds of loose dirt which then rained down on him, nor the molen lead which was accidentally poured into the fissure, nor the 3000 gallons of acid which were then accidentally released into the same gaping hole. 350 other students were also killed.

At around 10 am, Junior transfer student Casey Hurling was out jogging, practicing for an upcoming Marathon in which he was slated to participate. At the corner of Lake and Putnam streets, Mr. Huley was assualted by four Cuban refugees. He did manage to kill or mame all of the members of the team, however, but was unfortunately struck down by a slow moving construction vehicle.

To add the final icing to this sinister cake, a Mr. Peter Steaplemann, of Long Island, NY, was also involved in an accident this morning. Mr. Steiplehouser is away from Skidmore college this academic year, studying in Madrid, Spain. It seems that the unwitting student of Spanish literature was gored to death by an irate flock of chickens in a Spanish marketplace. Strangely, his last action was to scribble the name "Hussein" in the dusty street with his own blood. Spanish authorities have no comment.

The final member of the group, a Mr. Aaron Williams, strangely enough has survived the plethora of seemingly random death incidents that have taken the lives of all 12 others in the group. Police say a thorough investigation will ensue, but that there is "no reason to think Mr. Williams had anything to do with it", nor that Mr. Williams "is involved in any kind of black magic or witchcraft." He is presently being held for questioning at the Saratoga police station."