Bawdy jokes
On the AirplaneA man and a woman are in adjacent seats on an airplane. The woman sneezes, then shudders violently.(This happens three times. Make the joke as long as you want.) Finally, the man asks the woman what’s wrong. She says, “I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition. When I sneeze, I have an orgasm.” The man says, “I’ve never heard of that. What are you taking for it?” “Pepper.” [Top] Sex before marriageJohn: “I never had sex with my wife until our wedding night. How about you?”Joe: “I’m not sure. What was her maiden name?” [Top] Facts of LifeA little boy is walking down the street with his father when he observes two dogs mating. He turns to has father and asks, “What are they doing, daddy?”The father replies, “Well, son, I guess it’s OK for you to know. That is how puppies are made.” That night, the little boy has a bad dream and enters his parents’ bedroom to discover them having sex. “What are you doing?” he asks. “Well,” replies his embarrassed dad, “we didn’t intend for you to know about this sort of thing until you’re older, but since you’ve seen, you might as well know: This is how babies are made.” “Well turn her over,” the little boy says. “I’d rather have a puppy.” [Top] On Santa’s LapA little girl is in line to see Santa When it is her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap.Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?” The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and GI Joe” Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I thought Barbie comes with Ken.” “No,” said the little girl, “she comes with GI Joe. She fakes it with Ken.” [Top] Where Babies Come fromIf a stork brings white babies, and a raven brings black babies, what kind of bird brings no babies?A swallow. [Top] In the ElevatorA guy’s in the rear of a crowded elevator and he shouts, “Ballroom please.”A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was crowding you.” [Top] Church & ShowerWhat’s the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the shower?A woman in church has hope in her soul. [Top] Golf No. 3A fellow tees off, and slices terribly. He sees the ball fly past a stand of trees and then hears a shriek. He runs over and finds a woman knocked out cold.The man runs back to the clubhouse and shouts, “Is there a doctor here?” “I’m a doctor,” another man says, rising. “What’s the trouble?” “I just hit a woman with a golf ball out there, and she’s unconscious!” “Well where did you hit her?” the doctor asks. “Between the first and second holes.” “Oh my,” the doctor says, shaking his head. “That doesn’t leave much room for stitches!” [Top] At the Vet’sA dachshund and a great dane meet in the waiting room at the veterinarian’s office. The great dane asks the dachshund, “What are you in for?”“Well,” the dachshund begins, “My owner has a plus shag carpet, and when I walk across it, it rubs my belly and I get all excited. The other day, I got so hot that I ejaculated on the rug, so now I’m here to get neutered. What’re you in for?” “My owner is a beautiful woman,” the great dane replies. “The other day, I was sitting on the bathroom floor as she was drying herself off after a shower. When she bent over, I got so excited that I jumped up and mounted her right then and there!” “Wow,” says the dachshund. “So you’re here to get neutered, too?” “No,” says the great dane. “I’m here to get my nails clipped.” [Top] ... a Clitoris and ...What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?A man will spend 15 minutes looking for a golf ball. [Top] The VibratorA woman is using a vibrator and it gets stuck. She goes to her doctor and urgently pleads with her to get it out. The patient is rushed off for emergency surgery.When the woman wakes up from the anesthesia, her doctor says, “Well, I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we tried everything we could, and we just couldn’t get the darn thing out. The good news is that we were able to change the batteries.” |